1. I Believe in You
The best relationships talk about the most positive aspects of their relationships. They talk warmly about their past and recall everything with a cheery attitude.
This attitude allows both people to see the best in each other. If there’s any concerns, they choose to view the issue from the positive side and do not automatically assume the worse from their significant other. They draw on their positive experiences in the past and assume the best in the other person. If their concerns aren’t assuaged, they feel comfortable listening to what the other person has to share with them to explain their thoughts behind the decision.
2. Tell Me More Dear
Accepting influence is taking into consideration of your spouse’s thoughts before making large life decisions. This can be having kids, choosing where to live, and buying a car.
Gottman found that women tended to be more accepting of influence from their male partners during the marriage. Guess who had trouble accepting influence?
If you guessed males, you’re right! He found that 81% of marriages are destroyed because husbands were unwilling to accept influence from their wives.
It’s good to hear another person’s perspective on a matter and they can provide insights that you never thought of. The worse thing to even feel is regret that we did something wrong to hurt the other person. With this in mind, everyone can prevent hurting the ones they care about the most.
3. I Got Your Back
Great relationships have partnerships that always support each other. When they’re around family and friends, they support each other’s decisions and let people know that they stand strong together as a family unit.
If any of them has a dream, they support them and want to help make it a success for both of them. If any obstacles come their way, they tackle them together.
4. What Do You Need?
We need to give as much as we receive. Adam Grant talks about different people in our lives who treat us differently. He mentions three types of people: givers, takers, and matchers.
The givers are those who freely try to help and share with others. Takers focus primarily on what they can benefit from the partnership. The matchers have a roughly even split between giving and receiving.
In your relationship, notice how you’re treating your significant other. Those who give more to the partnership will have a happier relationship with each other. They listen and tend to each other’s needs.
5. I Won’t Do That Again
Each partner understands the other’s limits and boundaries. When they understand them, they learn to respect what makes the other uncomfortable and take strides to avoid making them feel that way.
6. Let’s Work On This Together
Compromise is a key part of any relationship. No one ever completely gets 100% of what they want. If one side does, it’s unsustainable because the other side will be resentful of what has happened. In order to keep both sides assuaged, they need to give in a little bit to the other person.
I talk about Gottman’s Two Circle method where both sides talk about what they are unwilling to work on and what they are. From there, both sides can find a middle ground that suits both sides.
7. I’m on Your Side
You support your partner’s dreams and ambitions. When you cannot support their dreams, they start to believe that you do not believe in their ability to achieve it and they may seek support elsewhere. You want to be the primary person your partner turns to when they need support. It’s an opportunity to grow and understand each other better.
This does not mean you have to agree with their decision. There may be parts of their decision that may conflict with your own values and that’s normal. It’s mainly that you will always stand behind them no matter what. By supporting them, you will try your best to always help them reach their dream to the best of what you are comfortable with.
After supporting them, you can share with them some of your concerns and work on a compromise that works for both of you.
8. No Worries
Each side is able to admit when they are wrong. No one is ever completely right 100% of the time. I’ve had conversations where I was wrong about a topic, but the person’s words hurt me. They were wrong in the way they phrased their tone and it made me resent them.
These are some of the biggest signs of a great relationship. Share any other big tips with me down below.
Wen is a Certified Health and Wellness Coach who helped people change their behaviors. He brings experience from educating people about their physical health, nutrition, sexual health, and substance use. As a coach, he has worked with over one hundred clients in changing their tobacco use and had over five hundred conversations as a crisis counselor.
